-6pm-midnight Monday-Friday: 80s at 8, Homegrown, Metalshop!!!! And, I get to hang with Tommy and Rumble as their producer/news bitch/pie maker...
Other Things I think you should know about me before we go any further:
-This is what I look like drunk and dressed like cat woman.
- I am a metal head chick.
- I play a lot of video games and watch cartoons and eat beef jerky. Oh my god, I love Beef Jerky.
- I have a Siberian Husky named Wookie. He is pretty fluffy and makes sweet vampire faces.
This is me and my dog
- I play bass guitar and I love playing in bands and checking out local music.
-Dude, I am addicted to cartoons. Metalocalypse, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, South Park, Family Guy, I'll even watch old school Tom and Jerry. Just not Squidbillies. I turn my nose up at that.
-Bands I love: Dethklok, Carcass, Death, Slayer, Pantera, Alice in Chains, OLD MAN'S CHILD, Children of Bodom (the song :)~), Morbid Angel, Cannibal Corpse, Gardenian...actually, just go to the metalshop page on fm99.com and you'll see. Oh yes...
-I have spent the past couple weeks playing Rockband and Halo 3 EVERYDAY!!!! That's right, I got me a XboX 360 as a Thanksgiving present. Weird dad came through hooking it up. I might not be able to kick your ass at Call of Duty or Gears of War YET...but I can take you in Halo. People call me THE KING OF HALO. Even my mom, who's not even into HALO at all, I heard her ask my dad the other day WHERE'S THE KING OF HALO and she was referring to ME!
-Arnold, The Terminator, is my hero. Also, Arnold the predator killer.
-Oh, and I have been known to peruse MYSPACE on a daily basis! Check out my page here! DO IT NOW!!!!! And get to the chopper.
Something else you want to know? Feel free to drop me an email at shelley@fm99.com.
AND NOW, pictures of me looking SWEATY with rockstars I have banged, er, uh....met:
Dime and Vinnie
Some of the dudes from Avenged Sevenfold
Phil from ALL THAT REMAINS
That time I met Dethklok
James Hetfield of METALLICA
Tom Araya from SLAYER
Suffocation backstage at the luau
Stone Sour BACK IN THE DAY at the Boathouse
Choked by Slipknot at the NorVa
Seven Mary Three at the Peppermint Beach Club
The Keytar Playa from DRAGONFORCE!!!
Randy from Lamb of God (my boobies look huge)
Spyder from Powerman 5000
Chode and Me and Dave Grohl
Sonja and I and Shinedown
3 Doors Down's bass player and me
Alexi from Children of Bodom
ASK SHELLEY:
This is a new feature on the Tommy and Rumble show...you send me questions and every Monday morning, I'll answer them! Click Here To Send Me A Question
Hey Shelley,
My girlfriends and I are all curious why you dont like Chad Kruger...Can you please explain!!! We are all dying to know...
Sincerely,
Vanessa Beasley
Va Beach
Chad Kroeger, the singer from NICKELBACK.
I know the ladies love him. He's got the long blonde hair...the strong facial features, he can sing, and he is rich. I get it! He isn't a bad looking dude, if that's what you are asking. BUT...I really just don't like the band.
Did you ever have a band that you hate...they just get under your skin, you just feel so annoyed by them? Maybe I have just heard NICKELBACK so much, or maybe it's just because the music is so annoying to me...
Like for example...take the song rockstar. He wants to be a rockstar...so he says in the lyrics he will cut his hair. To me, that is the opposite of what he should be doing. I like my rockstars with long hair...and it's not even like he actually cut his hair, so is he just forcing the lyrics in the song? It's just so stupid to me. It annoys me.
If you don't have a band you just can't stand...is there a person or a TV show or ANYTHING that is popular, but you just really don't like? That is what NICKELBACK is to me. I just really can't stand them. They annoy me. And I think we should have them as a luau headliner and everyone should just get up and leave the amphitheater when they take the stage. That would be amazingly funny, to me.
I get it if you guys like him, and I totally don't hate people who have different interests as me. I can respect that we like different things and still totally think you are awesome. We can still get along and be friends. I have a really good friend who has nickelback in her top 10 bands that she loves. We just disagree on it...
Does any of this make sense? HAHA. Thanks for writing...
Dear Shelley,
Two of my friends once told me if you consume a beer with your BUTT you can become drunk really fast. I do not know if this is true or not and have heard it can be pretty dangerous if not done moderation. Is this true? If so, what is the best technique for anally consuming the Beer?? Also, what would be the "choice" beer of consumption?
Thanks, Jeff
The truth is...you can actually take a beer bong to your anus and get drunk. It's called a beer enema...or alcohol enema depending on what type of alcohol you use. AND...it is not recommended. According to the website ENEMA TIPS.com,
Beer or wine can be used, you will want them to be warm. Surprisingly you will get quite drunk. Possibly you will be dangerously drunk so you should be careful. It is a good idea to mix wine at half-strength the first time you use alcohol in an enema.
Alcohol is absorbed much more quickly in the intestines than in the stomach, so you need to be really careful.
Using hard alcohol is NOT A GOOD IDEA. You can die from this.
...there's actually a news story about this from just a couple days ago. June 5th, a TEXAS man wanted to drink, but had a painful mouth infection, so he anally injected 2 bottles of SHERRY into his system. It hit him quickly, and he died of alcohol poisoning.
There are plenty of other websites that discuss this alcohol enema, but almost all of them agree it is not recommended.
So, to answer your question, yes, you can do it...but DON'T. It's sending the alcohol right into your bloodstream, and there are SERIOUS health concerns. So, don't do it...or you will probably be making stupid news somewhere because you died sticking something in your butt and people will call you gay.
Shelly,
Are farts really flammable? Have you ever lit a fart? Do Tommy and Rumble smell like farts?
Katina
Thanks for the question. I love it.
According to a website claiming to be THE BEST fart fact website, the answer to that is yes...you can light a fart on fire. I mean, we all kind of know this for sure...but it is nice to have scientific evidence to back it up. Farts catch on fire because they contain methane (sometimes) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. There are other gases in the farts, but these are the most flammable ones. And...when you burn a fart, it produces a blue or yellow flame. According to Dr. James L. A. Roth, a blue flame is indicative of the presence of methane in the fart.
Since methane producers are an elite group (only about 1/3 of the population), an exclusive club called the Royal Order of the Blue Flame has been established that is open only to them. I have tried to light a fart on fire before, but I never did it right. I have seen my friends do it though...it's always funny...but it's really not a good idea. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by a website called Fartcloud claims that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. The website goes on to recommend a product called the Fartlighter to help light it, but there is no info about this product on the internet, so I can't verify it's existance.
But, I can verify that Tommy and Rumble do not smell like farts. Sorry to disappoint you there, haha.
Hi Shelly!
Don't have a great question but what immediately comes to mind is "How did you get so darn cute?" Ok, perhaps this is really not a very challenging question and I need to come up with a better one other than "What are you doing Saturday night?" Haha....hmmmmm
Ok, I have one..."Why do nipples get hard when it is cold?" This has always perplexed me...is this too risky for your show?
Chris
This was my raw thoughts...I put them in order while talking with Tommy and Rumble...hope you can make out what I am trying to say...According to several MD type websites, NIPPLES get hard when it is cold for the same reason you get goose bumps. Nipple erections are technically goose bumps...they are both created when tiny muscles at the base of each hair, (known as arrectores pilorum) contract and pull the hair erect. The reflex is started by the sympathetic nervous system, which is in general responsible for many fight-or-flight responses.
As a response to cold: in animals covered with fur or hair, the erect hairs trap air to create a layer of insulation. Goose bumps can also be a response to anger or fear: the erect hairs make the animal appear larger, in order to intimidate enemies. This can be observed in the intimidation displays of chimpanzees,[1] in stressed mice[2] and rats, and in frightened cats. In humans, it can even extend to piloerection as a reaction to hearing nails scratch on a chalkboard or listening to awe-inspiring music.[3]
Piloerection as a response to cold or fear is vestigial in humans; as humans retain only very little body hair, the reflex (in humans) now provides no known benefit. The skin of the nipple is rich in a supply of special nerves that are sensitive to certain stimuli. When stimulated, the nerves send a message to the smooth muscle in that area to contract. When the muscle contracts, the nipple gets tighter.
Nipple erection is not caused by blood flow. In sexual arousal, it is caused by the neurotransmitter 'Oxytocin' but a different mechanism causes it to erect due to cold or sometimes emotional state. I am not 100% sure of this - I remember reading about it once but I am happy to be corrected. Nipples are adapted hair follicles. As hair follicles undergo 'piloerection' (goose pimples) it is likely that the adapted version (the nipple) retains the same response.Sexual arousal. Oxytocin injected into the cerebrospinal fluid causes spontaneous erections in rats,[9] reflecting actions in the hypothalamus and spinal cord.
Less commonly, sexual arousal may cause the nipples to become erect, due to the release of the polypeptide neurotransmitter oxytocin. The nipple and areola of males and females can be erotic receptors. They are not, however sex organs because, since mammals of both sexes all have nipples, nipples don't possess the defining quality of a sex organ of differentiating the sex of any animal.
Hey Shelley, Not sure how helpful you can be on this one but I was with my girlfriend this past weekend and we did a lot of "pregaming" if you catch my meaning before getting "to the point" and 2 days later my tongue is sore. Like 2 days after a workout sore. Are there precautions I can take to prevent that? I know it sounds ridiculous but that's really how it feels. I didn't cramp up and never really noticed any fatigue while everything was going down, huh huh, but now it seems like I'm extremely sore. It's kinda funny in a way. Is there anything I can do?
Thanks Roger Newport News
Are you asking about tongue workouts? It does sound ridiculous at first...but you know, the tongue is a muscle too...and it should be worked out. Constantly. In a quick up and down motion. The faster the better.
Actually, after doing some research on tongue exercises...there are lots of them...mostly for patients recovering from strokes, but I think it could be helpful here as well. Because according to Dr. Joanne Roins of the university of Wisconsin... Physically, if a tongue atrif-ies- too much, it can lead to pneumonia, malnutrition, dehydration and often depression. And that's not good...especially when you are pregaming. I did some research on tongue exercises...and dude, you are not alone. There are many pages dedicated to pre-gaming tongue exercises...such as icame.com who said:
1. Reach for your nose. Stick your tongue out as far as you can and try to touch your nose. In this position, hold your muscles in place and try to move the tip of your tongue around. Practice this maneuver in sets starting with clockwise, then counter-clockwise, and end with up and down movements.
2. Fine tune your muscle control. Relax your neck muscles and keep your jaw loose. Point your tongue while simultaneously trying to keep in constant contact with the top and bottom of your mouth. Once you get the hang of this, practice moving your tongue in and out of your mouth, but remember to keep constant contact with the top and bottom of your mouth. This is not an easy task and will take some work, but it will significantly help improve the way you perform cunnilingus and your performance time.
3. Practice your tongue curls. Stick your tongue straight out, keeping it flat and relaxed. Practice slowly curling the wide tip of the tongue upward, downward, and side-to-side. Practice these in comfortable sets and hold each move for at least two seconds before moving to the next set.
4. Learn to relax. This is a fairly simple movement and I suggest this as a warm-up or cool down. Keep your tongue relaxed and open your mouth. Move your tongue in and out, but make sure it stays completely relaxed - do not point it.
Or...another website suggested if you want something you can do while you are sitting in your cubicle at work...try Taking a retractable pen and hold it in your mouth with your teeth and lips so the pen end is pointing out. Then use your tongue to repeatedly "click" the pen. Do it as fast and for as long as you can. Take a break when necessary and repeat. Using the spring that controls the pen works well, and nobody will guess you're doing a tongue workout.
Me and my wife met 18 years ago...she's hot and has long blonde hair, weighs about 130 pounds, was 5 foot 7, has D cup breasts and an athletic body. That was then...since we got married, she has gained so much weigh and she cut her hair really short. I still tell her that she is beautiful, even though I think she looks fat and her hair is un attractive, because I am not stupid. But if I keep telling her she is beautiful, she will not do anyhting to change and I find her looking less hot everyday to the point where sometimes I don't even want to look at her dumb short hair. What do I do? And the worst part is that I saw her mom and now my woman looks just like her mom and I should have known this was gonna happen. I have kept my self in shape...I want to look good. I still have beautiful women coming up to me all the time and hitting on me. But I have to turn them down to go home to the dumb haircut.
I think we have a big problem going on here man...the more you wrote to me, the angrier you seemed to sound about your woman's hair!!! Wow.
You are smart to keep telling her she is beautiful...you have learned that it's the EASIEST way to keep your woman happy...and you can't tell her the truth that you think she's fat and has dumb hair...that will crush her. There is nothing a girl wants to hear less. We'll take being called stupid or catty or whatever...just don't call us fat or ugly.
You can suggest to her that you want her to have long hair again. You have to be smoothe about it, and make sure you still tell her that she is beautiful now...maybe reference the long hair and say that sometimes you miss it. Or have a friend say in front of her that girls with long hair are hotter...then you can stand up for your woman's short hair...but he can argue back saying that it's totally a known fact that dudes like chicks with longer hair better. Or figure something like that out.
And as far as suggesting that she lose some weight...that is a really tough one because obviously, you can't tell her that she is fat. Suggesting that you wanna go on a diet or start an exercise routine might make her want to do the same. Or you could have one of her female friend suggest it to her. Whatever you do DO NOT bring it up to her directly.
It is clear that you want to make it work with your wife...so do not let these other women get in the way. You guys have been together for 18 years and the only thing you have to complain about is that she is heavier and has short hair? No personality things...no MY WIFE BITCHES TOO MUCH...so don't let anyone else mess it up. You will miss your girls personality...and hate that you traded it in for shallow reasons.
Dear Shelley,
The maintaince people at my work and I have always been very friendly toward one another; we've always had ready smiles, even when we don't have time to chat. Yesterday, though, one of them really insulted me and I couldn't go off on the guy like I wanted to, because I'm the boss and have to set an example for my employees. He walked in and said, "Girl, what have you been eating that you've gotten so big? I saw you walking through the hall and I couldn't believe it! You were tiny when I met you!" I didn't know what to do; I was shocked that someone who barely knows me would have the audacity to say something like that to me. I ended up pasting a plastic smile on my face and mentally giving him the one-finger salute until he left, but I'm not completely satisfied with that response. How would you have delt with the guy.
Val Norfolk, VA
DAMN GIRL! What a jerk! It's like...HOW DID THAT GUY NOT LEARN HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE? I had a similar situation not too long ago...where I got an ask shelley question from some dude who asked me why everyone says I am so hot...cause I am not hot. He went on to say I am not ugly, and that he meant no offense, he just wanted to know why people said I was so hot.
It was a very hurtful thing to hear...not cause I think I am so hot...I never walk around going look at me, I'm shelley, I am so hot...but I really wanted to know his reasoning for saying it to me...like what did he gain from writing that email. SO...I asked him. And he said he like me and loved listening to me do the news and stuff but wanted to knock me down off my un-deserving pedestal. I was shocked! I told him I never said I am hot...I never think that I am so hot...and asked him why he would write me that. I just could never imagine saying that to someone. HE wrote back apologizing for making me feel bad...he said that was never his intent, he really hadn't thought about it that way. That doesn't sound very genuine...maybe he got bored or me wanting to know what made him feel like he had to say that, but I still was cool to him. Trust me, I wanted to take some shots back at him-call him out or something cause he left his place of work and phone number on the email.
But then , I was telling chill about the email...and he said I was falling right into the guys plan. That I am still thinking about this dude and telling people about him days later. HIS PLAN TO GET UNDER MY SKIN WORKED.
My only real thoughts on this whole subject is that both of us have some work to do...we gotta get skinnier and hotter...that was a joke, you get jokes...actually, what I mean is people are so stupid. They say really dumb things to you...especially guys...but their opinion only kinda matters. Cause while he was sitting around not getting any and writing me emails about how he thinks I am not hot...the dude I was banging thought I was hot. And the same with the dude who said you were not as tiny...he may think that...but there are a million other guys out there that would like to get down with you. If you had done anything different...not smiled and played it off like things were cool, it still wouldn't have ended up any better. The damage was already done. That guy just needs a giant tube in his butt cause he is a large vagina...and there is nothing you can do to change that. And I am sure a lot of people can relate to stuff like this...it's just amazing how STUPID people are and how there is nothing you can do to change that.
I hope I helped you in some way...it sucks to know how dumb dudes can be...
I would like to give my girl a golden shower but I don't know how to approach this subject delicately.
What would be the best angle in your expert opinion. Stan Martin
Hi Stan...for the purposes of talking about the on air...golden showers will from this point be referred to as puppies with cancer.
It is a tough thing to get someone into, because if your girlfriend is not into puppies with cancer...then you've got to convince her to do it for you. I'm assuming that you guys have never discussed puppies having cancer before, so you need a way to bring it up. I had an ex boyfriend who was into me giving him puppies that had cancer...and I gave him cancer puppies a couple times in the shower and once outside near a hose. He brought it up to me that he was into cancer puppies one time in the shower...but said he only liked it when he could immediatly wash it off. He said puppies with cancer mad him feel dirty and kinky...and I was willing to play along, even though I thought it was a little weird.
But, he had it easier because he was the one who wanted the puppies with cancer...he didn't want to give them to me. I would suggest you also start in the shower. Mention that you think puppies with cancer are really sexy...and then be willing to clean them off of her. Tell her that you think she will look hot if you give her puppies with cancer. That would be the best place to approach it. Puppies with cancer are not something that a lot of people get in to...i mean a showers are a relaxing thing and gold makes it sound lavish and expensive, but really combining the two and getting puppies with cancer does really change things. So don't be offended if she doesn't want your cancer puppies. But who knows...she might!
Hey , Shelley you sexy bitch how are you....I have been debating this for years now. Give me your thoughts on this.....I see you have a big tat on your shoulder going into your arm area....I want to get a tattoo, but the thing is I don't know what it feels like, most of my close friends have one and when I ask them about this, they usually tell me, it is something you have to experience to understand, is this true or can you explain, what it feels like to get "inked". Everybody threshold for pain is different and most women have a higher tolerance to pain. And is it true, if you get one it opens the flood gates and you cannot stop getting inked. Your thoughts would be appreciated.
Signed an opened blank canvas.... Mike in Yorktown.
Hi Mike! That's another hard feeling to describe...like having an orgasm. That's not how it feels, just both are really hard to describe what they feel like.
I'm not gonna try and tell you it doesn't hurt...because YOU ARE GETTING STABBED WITH A NEEDLE OVER AND OVER...so yes, it hurts. There are some spots...like the top of my shoulder, right on the bone...where it was so painful...I could almost not take it.
But...for the most part, it's just uncomfortable. When I sat down to get my right arm gargoyle...I could not stop giggling. Not even like 15 minutes in to the tattoo. I thought Chris Bowman from Blue Horseshoe was gonna have to strap me down, cause I was giggleing so hard it was almost messing him up. It took him about 4 hours to finish it...and after a little while in, I was annoyed by the stabbing pain, but it's not SO bad you can't take it. Somehow the pain gets harder to tolerate as you go...but if it was bad, I would not have gone back several more times.
I went to fusion ink to get my gargoyle on my left arm...and they have air powered guns...which are supposed to hurt less. It took the artist there about 6 hours to finish my tattoo...and I think it hurt less. I mean, it is going to hurt no matter what...again it was just uncomfortable, but not untolerable.
Once you get one and realize it is not that bad and how awesome it looks...it does make you want more. I just can't figure out another spot to put one...I do not have a tramp stamp yet...maybe I can put something there...
Dear Shelley
If manbearpig was gay...how would you say his name, fully identifying what he is?
OK from Bryce.
Dude. While identifying people by their sexual preference is fairly unnecessary....you don't hear the hosts of this show referred to as Straight Tommy & Gay RUmble....but to answer you question as best I can, I believe he would be Gay Pig Bear Man...because if you say it fast it almost becomes Gaping Bear Man, and gaping anything is funny. But then this poses another question, if the debate exists of whether ManBearPig is half man, half bear, half pig, or if he's half-bear, half-manpig, where does the Gay fit into that? Is he now Half Man Bear - Half Gay Pig? Or is he Half Bear Pig - Half Gay Man? Well thankfully I do know the answer, but that's not a question you asked, it's a question I asked, and Straight Shelley can''t ask Straight Shelley questions. It violates some serious radio rules that I just made up but totally exist.
Shelley,
Two questions...
First, why does the FM99 webpage not have a link to your page under the Tommy and Rumble link? They have Chill, Chuck, and Jason, but for some reason you aren't listed. I blame Big Bird for not catching such an obvious mistake. Oh yeah, like everyone else that writes to you..."You Rock".
Second, why do you use the word weiner in place of penis? Normally you sound extremely sexy on the air, but for some reason when you say 'weiner' it sort of makes you sound like a small child and then I begin to feel like a pedophile which is quite disgusting.
Chris Chesapeake
HAhaha...sorry! I can't have you feeling like a pedophile. I say weiner whenever referring to man's junk because usually, when I start to talk about a wang, I know I am gonna say it a bunch of times, and penis penis penis penis penis feels way more dirty than saying weiner. But, you're probably right. And I will try to think of something else to say there instead. My dad just told me I should say TOOL. He's wrong. I'll think of something.
Hehe, thanks for the email dude, Jason the Web-Wrecker is supposed to be changing the link. Hopefully he will fix it soon...he needs to get eric up under there too!
These are a bunch of questions but about one thing for ask Shelley- tommy and rumble.
Whats it like working with Tommy and rumble? Are they cool? Is rick always talking about himself off the show too? Are they nice to you? Is Tommy really funny in real life like on the show too? Do they have good hygene? Which one would you guess washes his hands after using the bathroom and which one doesn't if you HAD to make a guess? Which one would you guess is most likely to have a criminal record- not that they do, but which one is more likely to? Who would win if they arm wrestled?
DR/ South Norfolk
Tommy and Rumble are awesome to work with...they are the same off the air as they are on it...that is their exact personality. Rick is always talking to himself. You can hear him through all the hallways around the station, singing or making noise...he just needs to make noise. And I'm not dogging him, it's cute. Tommy is just as funny off air too. Almost everything he says makes me laugh. Actually off the air, they are about 10X dirtier...they can get away with it off the air...but they are just as clever off the air too. They are both nice to me! Whenever they come in the news room in the morning when I am researching news, they'll call me slut or skanky-but I know it is all out of love.
Neither of them ever smell, so I think their hygene is good...they look like they bathe. If I HAD to guess...I would say Rick washes his hands after he uses the bathroom and Tommy doesn't. Tommy has a little bit of A.D.D. sometimes, that's what I am basing this off of...and I would think that Rumble would have the criminal record, just because I have heard him tell some kinda wild stories from his life in radio. It would probably involve strippers and possibly a strangling. And if they arm wrestled...I think Tommy would win. Rick is a little frail. (He hates when I say that)
Shelly, My 5 year old daughter asked me this, and I have no idea: Do Fish Fart?
Thanks, Mike Rotchurtz Manshank, Va.
There is so much about this on the internet...it is amazing. And a lot of different universities and Science Centers have studied this. After reading thru all the results and theories...Some experts say that the digestive gasses of fish are consolidated with their food waste and expelled in gelatinous tubes which fish then eat...so they like eat their farts...but I think those experts are stupid cause that sounds dumb.
Instead, I trust the scientists at the University of Guam, who studied fish digestion, not farting...and released a report with lots of big boring words in it...but the consensus between them was that YES. Fish most likely fart, due to the make up of their food and the chemicals in their stomachs, the bi-product would be carbon dioxide...so it would only make sense for them to fart...and a lot.
There is a website for fish enthusiasts, and on a thread, they discussed fish farting, with most of them saying they have never seen a fish do it. They discussed whether the gas could possibly go into another part of the body, but decided that the only way that gas could leave a fish's body would be thru an anal opening.
There was one lady...Lisa P. is what she went by...and she claimed that she has seen her fish fart: "She said her goldfish used to do it all the time! You'd see a little bubble come out of his anus and stay there, trapped in the mucus of a long string of poop."
There is still question of whether they make a fart sound when they fart...apparently, there is some research being done on that now.
Goathairboy asks:
Can you get either tommy or rumble to give you a foot massage (with lotion) and make a video and post it on the website?
Wow, you are freaky...is it my feet or tommy and rumble that you are more interested in? Cause I am game, but I got denied by the guys, haha. They don't like being in creepy internet videos...they say....
So Shelly, You have probably been ask this a million times. >>>> DOES SIZE REALLY MATTER??? Please explain your theory !!
I actually have gotten this question about 700 times, but i always felt it was too cliche to answer...until last night. HAHA, Does it sound like i am gonna go into a story about a dude I took home from a bar????
I was watching the discovery channel...and they had some show on, something like the science of sex...and they were discussing how the things we find attractive in people now are the same things cavemen found attractive...and the show kept making me do beavis and butthead giggles cause they kept saying things like testes.
But, they did offer up some info on weiner size that I found interesting.
The show started by talking about how at first, humans were on all 4's...but as we stood up and started walking, it changed the positioning of the vagina...making it a downward tipping vagina. And, in order for the males to properly fertilize the woman...the human weiner had to grow longer and thicker to reach the right spot to deposit the sperm.
So, as a matter of evolution, yes, size matters.
But, You probably know by now that the most sensitive area of the female down there area is the clitoris..., housing 8,000 nerve endings...And again, according to wikipedia, research has found that some portions of the clitoris extend into the vulva and vagina...about 4 inches deep in legnth...Given that the average penis size is above this length, the majority of penises are of sufficient length to satisfy their partners. A website called COOLNURSE.com also offered some insight on this...saying the size of your penis has no relation to sexual pleasure or performance. Performance is about the ability to get and maintain an erection or to provide sexual pleasure to your partner and yourself with or without an erection. Performance, then, is not really related to size -- but dependent on muscles, blood and nerve supply to the reproductive organs. In reality sexual pleasure is related to: a person's state of mind; to respecting their partner's needs; and their own needs. During intercourse, the opening of the vagina is normally not too small or too large for any penis because it is really a "space" that is surrounded by muscular tissue and will adapt to most size penises. So, that is good news...and so is this for you weiner owners...
Humans have the largest weiners...in comparison to their body size...than any other primates. According to wikipedia, Gorilla males, which dwarf humans in size, have minute penises compared to ours, no thicker and longer than a pencil. Other apes do not reach even this size. In some African countries, saying that one is 'hung like a gorilla' is considered an insult. They also say the human penis is both longer and thicker than that of any other primate both in absolute terms and in relative size compared with the rest of the body. I was trying to take notes on this discovery channel show, and i am pretty sure they said that if a human had a weiner the size of a gorilla's, it would be 1/3rd the size it is now...but the testes would be 3 times bigger.
So, yes, size matters, but man weiners already got the size! -Shelley
hey there. just wondering what do you look for in a man that you would go out with?
Edward
Hey man! In a guy...well, the first thing I notice is the legnth of his hair. I am really into long hair on dudes. Next, is eyes. Gotta have nice eyes. And...there is something about dirty guys that gets me. There is something really hot to me about a sweaty guitar player who just got off stage or a construction worker truck, with like 5 dudes in it, looking all covered in dirt like they've been working all day...But, I can actually look past everything looks wise if the dude has 3 qualities.
1st-You gotta make me laugh. And not courtesy laugh just cause I wanna hit it...I mean you have to always make me giggle. That's the most important thing, and that will get you far. 2nd-You gotta be into video games...or willing to learn it, cause I spend a lot of time playing video games. 3rd-You have to be able to talk to me about things...even if we are into different styles of music or whatever, we have to be able to talk and not feel awkward and uncomfortable silence. There's probably some other things I would want in a dude...but I am really flexible, as long as I get along with someone, I am always down for seeing if it works.
Sorry that was boring.
Shelly, There are plenty of photos of you on FM99 website. I can't find ONE that has you making a normal smile. Do you ever pose for a photo without making a face or making a goofy pose?
GMJ, Newport News
HAHAHAH! I get shook taking pictures! I don't know why that is....but, I took some pictures while I was drunk at a bar and those I made my normal smile, and I actually look normal...I'll have to put some drunk pics up.
-Shelley FM99
shelly pleas explain life the universe and everything
Good question. 42 is the answer...but what is the question? Nobody knows. Quit trying to make me do nerdy space book references, hahaha. And this reminds me of this one time that I wrestled a lesbian naked in my pool. I;ve probably already told you the story. But I was drunk.
Shelly, First of all I still think you are great. You do an awsome job. Ok, now the question; my wife and I are trying to get pregnant. So we have charted when is the best two days to achieve the goal. Now, on the first night the volume of seman is way higher than the next night. My wife is bothered by this fact, she doesn't understand why the volume is so much lower the night after. I don't understand but I am not bothered by it. So do you know why, or can you find out. And while you are at it if you can discover a way for me to increase the volume on the second night that would be a bonus. Please help, so I can give her a scientific explanation. If you don't choose this question for what ever reason, I will still think you are great - rock on.
Larry
Hey man! 1st..Congrats and good luck! It is my expericence that your sack needs time to regenerate, sir. According to the JACKIN WORLD SCIENCE CORNER... The average male ejaculates 3 to 5 ml of semen at a time. As a male ages or if he ejaculates repeatedly with only a short duration between ejaculations, the semen volume may be reduced. So it's totally normal. But, JACKIN WORLD SCIENCE CORNER also gave some ideas on increasing the amount of stuff you ejaculate... One is to prolong your ejaculation session for as long as possible � when you're aroused, your sex organs gradually secrete the fluids that make up semen, so they build up over the course of a session. That's why you almost always ejaculate more following a long, intense session than during a "quickie." So like go and then stop and then go and then stop and go and stop...they also said... Drink a couple glasses of water an hour or so before you DO IT � for some guys this increases the volume of the ejaculation. And if you want anymore info...you can check out the JackinQ&A � Questions About Semen & Ejaculation. at jackinworld.com Thanks and good luck man!
I know you are a gamer chick and know about zombies. Have you read the zombie survival guide, or world war z yet? Now for my question. I have already made my plans for the Zombie Apocolypse I have my escape route all planned and how my handpicked group (we have a doctor, nurse, mechanical engineer and a few others with valuable skills for a total of around 20 people). My question is if you do not already have plans, would you like to join our group and if so what do you have to offer... other than the stick it in any hole, though that in itself may be enough to get you invited in.
So, I see you are one of my HALO friends...cause you know my gamer tag slogan...put it anywhere. And you know I am pretty obsessed with the fear of a zombie take over...is that weird?
I sort of have a plan, if zombies start to take over...because I have watched so many zombie movies and I have zombie nightmares...one involved trying to ride on a motorcycle with the funny bone comedian bodacious...but it really depends on how fast the zombies are...like dawn of the dead fast or like slow zombies...or if it is the 28 weeks later RAGE VIRUS. No matter what, weapons are very important...cause you have to stab their heads. I actually went shooting at BOB's GUNS and shot at a zombie poster to practice hitting it in the head. If a zombie attack did happen...I would probably come to work, because you know big bird would want to it reported on. Someone has to get the news out. But I think it's safe here...cause our elevators never work...and being on the 3rd floor, it would take the zombies a while to get up there. And if they did...Eric is here and he can bench press a trailor park, so I am sure he could just tear their heads off. Plus I am sure our computer guy has some type of weapon. And chill is so laid back, the zombies would get him first, giving me time to get away. AND...we have beef jerky in the vending machine, and I could survive forever with enough beef jerky. I love that stuff. Thanks for the question!
Dear Shelley, i have two questions that came from last weeks "ask shelley"
1. guys who send you pics of their genitals-stupid high school level fun that at best makes you laugh or lock the door and give me 5 minutes alone?
2. and WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE PORN
KNOWLEDGE. someone asked about a question about a porn band and you know more porn stars than all the girls i know combined!
thank you tony in va beach
Tony, 1. I laugh. Weiners are funny looking. 2. I am not a huge fan of porn, but when I watch it, I study it...every chick, what she's doing, and how she does it. Then I apply it to real life situations.
Shelley, In your opinion, which of the two feats is the more impressive:
Brett Favre's consecutive games started streak in the NFL among quarterbacks (253 games, 275 including playoffs) or Cal Ripken Jr's consecutive games played in MLB (2,632 games)? Thanks. Grant Costa
2,000 is a lot...a big number, but I am more impressed by Brett Farve, cause you get beat up playing football a lot more then playing base ball. Plus Brett's colors are cooler than Cal's...I mean BLACK and ORANGE...Cal's Orioels Alternate jersey us cool, but not many teams have GREEN...so I am going with him there...speaking as a womant oo. Thanks, -Shelley
Have you ever heard of anyone using listerine breath strips on the nipples? Talk about an erection lol Bill
I wrote bill back at first, calling him kinda weird for thinking of doing this...breath strips on the nipples...just nothing I had ever though to do...and why would you, really. But, then, it kinda plagued me and I felt like I just passed his question off...like took the easy way out...so I felt like I had to go get some of those breath strips and put them on my nipples. So I put it on my nipple...and nothing happened. Then, I licked my nipple, and it just got really cold. Of course, I was using the GREEN minty ones...but it just made my nipple cold and a bit sticky.
Shelly, How many tattoos do you have and where are they? Also, do you ever go for an extended period of time without shaving your pits? Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Hey goooosh, I have 3 tats...one on each shoulder...pretty sweet sized gargoyles, and an aries ram looking thing between my shoulder blades on my back. I can't stand NOT shaving my armpits...like it is just so uncomfortable to me...I do it everytime I am in the shower, shave my armpits and my landing strip...so that it stays in shape.
***THE SENTENCES THAT GO HERE HAVE BEEN OMITTED DUE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT***
Why do mirrors reverse things right to left, but not up and down?
Dude, Fun house mirrors reverse up and down. Because they are curved. With a flat mirror...the light is not bent when it is reflected from it to flip the image. You are looking into a mirror, not another universe. The mirror is reflecting light. Am I typing to fast here? Should I type slower? Wait...there are not dumb questions...
Shelley, Hey there you crazy bitch:). I was wondering, when your not working, gaming, or listening to metal. What else do you do with your time? Bryan
Newport News
Dude, on weekdays I watch cartoons and eat beef jerky...but weekends I go out. Like this weekend was sweet. Friday night I went to a bar with my sister and some friends...people thought me and her were lesbians...me and my sister cause we act like sisters, I still get in her face and she climbs all over me like we did when we were little. We drank, we danced, and we gave lap dances...and a really old man tried to fight my friend. Then I went home and played HALO. Saturday, I went to BOB's guns and shot my first gun...went to a local bands show at the portlock pub...where I picked up my first REALLY hot chick...seriously, I have never had a chick this hot...it's the first chick that was out of my league that wanted to hook up. She got my number and texted me asking about doing it. Was pretty cool.
Then, I went to a karaoke bar and sang SLAYER...with my chick friend who sings death metal stlye. Got home and hung out with some friends til like 6:30am.
Sunday...I went to IHOP and answered a million emails.
Is the Hokey Pokey really what it is all about?
Rich
Rich,
I was IHOP yesterday, hungover, with my hungover sister...and for some reason, your email came to mind and I think we came up with a good explination. OK, so you know how the lyrics go...you put your left foot it...put your left foot out...put your left foot in and shake it all about, you do the hokey pokey and you turn your self around...that's what it's all about...well, the that's what its all about refers to the first part of the statement...where you put your left foot in and take it out and shake about and turn around...that is what doing the hokey pokey is all about. I believe this to be true...and it's pretty cool when you go to hooters on your birthday and all the chicks sing it to you and put their whole selves in and shake it all about on you. Does all of this make sense, cause it might have been drunk talk. Thanks, -Shelley
I just want to know do you get alot of questions that make u think what the hell are some people thinking. I bet u get alot of stupid questions. Pup Truck 83
Yes. Like if I choose paper or plastic or debit or credit. Or if I can explain what the hokey pokey is all about. Or what smurfs do to have sex since there is only 1 chick. Also, questions about if I cheat on people, what I think of people's weiners...with pictures...and if I have the ability to hook them up with a chick or put my legs behind my head. But the best question I have gotten so far...from a chick...it said WHY DO GUYS LIKE HEAD JOBS?
Thanks, -Shelley
If all the women in porn, who would u rather see play in a rock band? BigBubba
I think you're asking me what porn chicks would make a hot chick band?
I would put Jesse Jane on guitar...she was a baywatch babe in the baywatch movie...and on the cover of drowning pool's 2nd cd...she was gonna be a hawaiin tropics bikini chick, but her love for porn made her choose the porn career path...you can see her in films like Island Fever 3, the first porn ever released in HD, and Island fever 4, where she won a porn oscar last year for best all girl sex scene. On drums, I would put TEAGAN PRESLEY...who's been in some scenes with Jesse Jane, so you know they'd get along...and that's important in a band...Teagan was a stripper who got upset with stripping and signed a porn contract an first starred in JUST OVER 18 part 10. She went on to film over 70 different films in the next 8 months, most of them, including anal. On bass, I would put missy monroe. She's not really hot, but she's a squirter and that's just cool to see. Then to front the band...man there are so many chicks that I could pick to put in this spot, I'm going with KRISTAL SUMMERS who in addition to her bondage and fetish porns, and topless wrestling career...she also took the awards last year for hottest MILF...either her or Daniella Rush cause she is all about fisting.
Hope that answers your question! -Shelley
What is your bra size, and what type of bra do you prefer?
MudcatMatt,
I wanted to find out the answer to this question too, a couple weeks ago...the real answer...after watching that hot chick on channel 13 Vanessa Coria do her little segment on bra sizing...cause it said something about where the correct size making it look like you got a boob job. So, me and my sis went out to a department store at the mall to try a sizing.
An old philipino lady with a think accent helped us out...following me and my sis into a dressing room and asked us to take off our shirts so she could measure. She did...and came back with some pink flowery bras with us...in a variety of sizes so we could see which fit we liked the best. I tried on this white one that was really low cut...and my sister tried on a tanish one. The lady came back in to check on us and freaked out at me...she said I was deep and it was so beautiful...and her creepy-ness forced me and my sister to leave...cause it was really awkward. So we went to Fredrick's of Hollywood...and tried again...where I found out I can basically wear every bra size from A-D and 32-36. That doesn't make sense to me...but I ended up liking some of the XTREME CLEAVAGE bras that are really low cut...size 36B and 34C. I bought a couple in black, bright red, and Xtreme purple. That's my favorite. And didn't I answer this question like a typical chick going on and on and on just to get to the answer.
Thanks, -Shelley
Shelley. I have asked several women the same question and no one can seem to give a good answer. It's a very honest question. What is the difference between a G-strip and a thong? Thanks Paul
Hey dude,
Ha, you know I never really thought about the difference, so I turned to my victoria's secret catalog that I keep next to my bed for the answer. According to them, Thongs come in a variety of styles of thickness, material, or type of rear portion of fabric and are available for both men and women. The main difference between Thongs and G-strings is...thongs have more material between the legs and back whereas a g-string has less, usually an actual "string" of material. Ok, so a G-string is a type of thong...but with a skinnier string that goes in the buttcrack. But let's not forget about V-strings too...those are a lot like G-strings, but they separate into 2 strings right at the butt crack forming a V. Where the G-sting is just a String that comes from the waistband. Do you follow? -Shelley
Hey, I like that you're on the morning show now. I swear, you sound like a phone sex operator on air. Real sexy.
Anyway, I love going down on women. Unfortunately, for me, it's probably what I am best at sexually. My wife certainly enjoys it and frequently sends me downtown. However, I can't seem to get the frequency reciprocated. While my wife seems like a seasoned pro orally, her willingness to "scratch my back" is dwindling. Should I put my foot down and push the issue, or should I just continue diving quietly?
Sincerely, Short End of the Stick
This does seem real unfair...but also really normal too. Cause here's the thing...it takes me, and most chicks more than just penetration to orgasm. We need clitoral stimulation too...hence the going downtown being what you do best. That's the spot dude.
With a guy though, penetration is enough, I think...but I get that you like to change things up and have it a couple different ways...and she should be willing to go downtown too for you. Let her know what you want...but before you straight up ask her for it, try waiting til she does go down there...then make sure you let her know how hot it was and tell her it is the best thing you have ever experienced...that she's gorgeous with her mouth on you...etc etc...cause chicks like to be told they are hot a lot. Hearing that would make me wanna do it more often. If that doesn't work...tell her what you want, and hopefully she'll play along. Good luck
Hey Shelley, Would you rather get a paper cut from every page in the encyclopedia or never receive oral sex again?
Bill in Hampton
Bill. F-you man, paper cuts REALLY suck dude, and that's a lot of pages...but I'm gonna have to go with that as my answer. I'm taking the paper cuts.
Hey Shelley,
Why do baseball managers wear a uniform when all other head coaches where "regular" clothes? Thank you,
Kenny
Well, Kenny, it's funny you ask. Cause I was wondering why Tommy and Rumble get to wear T-shirts and Sweatshirts and I wear low cut tank tops.
Actually, big bird just explained all about this to me just the other day...I swear, it was fun...his idea was that it all boils down to tradition. Traditionally, Football coaches would wear suits...although the tradition has definatly changed...but in baseball...they play like 162 games a season, in the sun and heat, sometimes 13 gamedays in a row...that would be a lot of suits to go thru...and really hot and uncomfortable, right? So, they wear the uniforms instead. Traditionally. -Shelley
How many "boy toys" is too many? I have a good rotation right now but is 3 too many?
Thanks a mill, Brandy :):):)
Brandy,
This is all dependent on the person...how many weiners can you take? Some people can take 3 weiners, some can take 5 weiners, Others can take 15 weiners or more. I seen it. You say you've got a good rotation, so I assume you are one of those chicks that can take 3 weiners at once. It might seem skanky, but if you've got the weiners under control, then you're doing alright! For me, I can only take 1 weiner at a time, so anything more than that is too much...I just don't have the room, in my life, of course, but if you've got it....play on playa, play on.
Hi Shelly,
What is your honest opinion of men wearing thongs, either as underwear, or as swimwear?
Thanks, BC in Va Beach
BC in VB, Men in thongs are as bad as fat chicks in tube tops...its just like not cool to see. Not sure why, its just really not attractive...and I would totally say wearing it as a swimsuit is possibly the worst thing a man can do ever. It's like pound me in the ass then put it in my mouth bad. As underware, apparently 4% of men prefer to wear a thong, according to freshpair.com, but I still don't find it hot like that. I am pretty open to whatever a dude wants to wear...a chicken suit, a dress, a thong...i don't really care...but its not gonna turn me on, if that's what you're going for... Why would a man want to wear a thong anyways? Huh, Rumble? -Shelley
Shelley, Are you clean shaven?
I have a landing strip. Sometimes I make it in the shape of a lightening bolt. Seriously.
Hi Shelley- Maybe you can help me. I've been with my boy friend for little more than a year now, and I really love this guy and because of the holidays, I TOTALLY forgot his birthday. It was January 5th, so I'm like a day late. He hasn't said anything to me about it. What I want to know is how I should play it. Should I be honest and tell him I forgot OR, and here's my plan that my sister says is stupid- Give him a card and a gift and wish him Happy Birthday like today and play dumb like I really think that today is his birthday. So what's better- telling him I forgot, or pretending like I remembered, but getting the date wrong. What do you think? Please, please let me know. DITZY
Ditzy...I dunno about your plan, but dudes aren't like chicks, and he probably doesn't care all that much...so just make it up to him with sex and alcohol. Plan a night like next weekend...take him to a hotel and get trashed with him and let him put it anywhere. Tell him it is his birthday present from last week. Most likely he will be cool with that. It also mean you will NEVER be able to bitch if he doesn't give you a present for an anniversary or holiday. In a way, he came out on top with this.
Hey Shelley- YOU ROCK! I LOVE your laugh on the radio. It's very sexy. QUESTION: I know that most women don't dig a guy with a hairy back. Some women like a guy with a hairy chest, and some don't. But, what about a guy who shaves his junk? Is that too weird? Long story short- I actually did it (shaved down there) and it totally freaked a chick out. Is that how most girls feel? You're too cool, so I know you'd answer my email if I asked. Rock on. Brian Santo Williamsburg
Hey man...shave it.
I just can't imagine a chick getting freaked out by seeing a shaved weiner...what is freaky about that, haha? So I say shave it...oh my god shave it...or atleast cut it back some...i banged this dude once who had never shaved it and his weiner looked about 2 inches...and it was scratchy and ugh...I know when you shave it, it resembles a baby elephant zygote...but, i don't think most chicks really think a penis on it's own is hot, its uh having the penis in...i mean...it's the sex that we care about...
Dear Shelley- First, I love the show. You're awesome. I'm hoping you can settle something between me and my girlfriend. I know you said on the air that you ride a bike. My girlfriend rides one, too, and she CLAIMS that the vibrations from the motorcycle have actually brought her to having a big "O"- if you know what I'm saying. Can this really happen or is full of shit? She swears to it. I'm not sure. Just wondering. Thanks and keep rockin'. PLEASE don't say my name on the air.
Jason P-Town, Va
Jason,
Here's the thing, it seems really possible, cause a motorcycle is a really big vibrator....but I have never heard from a chick about her having an orgasm on a bike. I have only heard the stories from dudes saying they had a chick on their bike who had one or whatever... Like I seriously googled this, and the first 10 pages of results are only guys saying how they had a chick orgasm on their bike. I'm not saying it couldn't happen, cause if you position the special girly part just right, the vibrations can hit just right...but you really can't ride like that. You can get aroused from the vibrations...but I couldn't just get off from it. I think you're girl s trying to sound hot...which is good for you, you shouldn't fight her on it, just accept it, tell her how hot she is for it, and use that to get you some dude.
What Does Shelley Do:
